Originally published October 12th 2007

Over the last sixty years almost everything has changed. The things we own, the jobs we do, what we eat, our social life and our values. Nothing is the same. There is however, one thing that might be different now in the way it is approached but it still has the same consequences and results: – I’m referring to Courtship!

In infant schools there’s always been children who get a crush on their teacher and over the years this hasn’t changed. Boys and girls at a very young age can also be attracted to each other and enjoy being together. They often walk around holding hands. Needless to say such attachments rarely last very long. When they become teenagers there are lots of places besides school where they can form a bond.

Other than those attending Grammar or Private schools, pupils never used to have homework and when lessons finished those from the same street, estate or location would often congregate at a pre-arranged place near to their home. Perhaps just to talk and make arrangements for later or play games. As they got older they would venture further afield and become much more adventuress in the things they did.

It was when they were meeting in these groups that some couples were attracted to each other and built a relationship. Summer was always the best time, when the days were warm and long and parents allowed their children to stay out to play longer after tea. It wasn’t all gloom in the winter but they did have to find more excuses to get out and meet up with their friends.

At the weekends there was always the Saturday matinee at the local cinema. It only cost threepence to get in but even that was a lot for some to find. Not many children were given regular pocket money but most of them managed to get it from somewhere. It was important that they did because after watching the showing of the latest exciting instalment of the current serial, all through the following week, they would spend time talking about it and find ways to copy and re-enact it.

Parents were often guilty of encouraging their offspring to get together with their choice of a companion rather than let them choose for themselves. They only sent invitations for their children’s Birthday and Christmas parties etc. to members of their own Class and when they organised games like Postman’s Knock, Kissing In The Ring and Sardines it was perfectly clear which boys or girls they approved of. However, no matter how they tried to arrange it, the girls, with the help of their friends always seemed to have a way of picking the boy they wanted.

As boys and girls moved through their teens they became more serious about their relationships and parents became more concerned about who their daughters were spending their time with. Unless the youth and his entire family were in the right Class and met with their approval, their immediate reaction would be to forbid any contact whatsoever. Of course such a ban was meaningless if they attended school together or both belonged to a club or association. What mothers and fathers always failed to understand was that as soon as they showed their disapproval it became a challenge to the youngsters and made the early dads of their courtship much more exciting.

All through teenage relationships the boy always had to make the first move and it made things very difficult for those who were a bit shy. This was highlighted when they were old enough to go to Dances and Socials.

All the unaccompanied females invariably sat on the far side of the hall while the young men huddled together around the entrance. A band, usually consisting of a piano or accordion, saxophone and drums would be situated in one corner of the hall and between each tune they played the MC would join them to announce the next dance. – ‘Will you please take your partners for a fox-trot’! That was the cue for the boy’s to walk across the floor to the girl of their choice and ask if they could ‘have the pleasure of this dance’!

Girls only danced with those they fancied and being refused, many young men were forced to retrace their steps, red faced and looking down at the floor. It was amazing how many ready-made excuses the girls seemed to have. After turning down the young man’s request they often took to the floor with a female partner. During the evening there was usually only one dance that was a ‘lady’s choice’ and one gentleman’s ‘excuse me’. Of course there was no problem if you attended the dance with a companion.

When parents realised the courting was serious the young man was usually invited round for Sunday tea so they could determine his intentions and prospects. What an ordeal! He would turn up in his Sunday best knowing that if he was rejected it would be very difficult to go on seeing the girl of his choice.

On the other hand, if he met with approval, instead of waiting on the corner when they had a date, he would be able to call at the house. They would also be allowed to sit in the front parlour on cold wet evenings instead of walking around looking for shelter. Of course, either way, they would still book their double seat at the cinema twice a week.

Parents seem more tolerant nowadays and young ladies can, and do, make the first move as well as having equal say and paying their way. However, things have not really changed much. Couples no longer go for long country walks or spend the afternoon sitting by the river but many of their problems are the same. Expectations are much higher now but they still need money and have no more chance of saving today than they had sixty years ago. Then it was difficult to find a house to rent. Now they have become too expensive to buy.

Then or now makes no difference, if their hearts choose truthfully and sincerely they will be ready to face and take on the future together. Understanding and sharing each other’s troubles and joys they can make the most of all that life has to offer. Nothing can come between or destroy true love and companionship.

valley lad – [TWENTY EIGHT]